Just read a blog comment on Adopted Jane's blog, and it really pissed me off. Why do people have to keep putting adoptees down, who are willing to talk about the hurt, pain, and loss that adoptees many times feel? Why? Just to make adoption seem like the perfect solution to everything? Why don't people do research on how adoption affects people...there is plenty out there!
If I meet an adoptee who says they have none of the common problems that most adoptees have, I don't start yelling at them and call them liars. I don't second guess them, or call them incompetent. Never! I respect their feelings on the subject, just as I expect others to respect mine! STUPID ME!!! Nobody is willing to accept my kind of adoptee feelings, even though mine are the most common feelings! Where do these people live, under a freakin' rock?
If you read my profile, you'll know who I am. I'm not a hothead, a bitter adoptee out for revenge, or a psychopath. I'm just a normal person, and I'm starting to feel a bit fed up with people not respecting the shit adoptees can go through, can feel. I'm tired of always being told I should be grateful that my A-parents adopted me. Can you imagine telling your own children, adopted or not, to be grateful that they weren't thrown into a trash can, or strangled at birth, or left for dead in a toilet?! I'm tired of being looked down upon because I'm not their "real" child. I'm tired of being attacked because I don't always paint adoption in a pastel light, with rainbows and lollipops and fairies in every corner. Come on, people, grow the f*ck up, and start respecting the fact that we don't always share the same feelings and experiences, just because we are adopted!
I will never say that I regret being adopted, even if my life has been tainted with bad situations and very difficult feelings, because I wouldn't be where I am today. I have my children, my husband, my A-parents, (the memory of them now, because they have both passed away) my new-found maternal B-family, my whole life, yes, I have a lot to be grateful for. But I refuse to only say nice candy-coted things about adoption because I have made a nice life for myself. I did it myself, many times not because I'm adopted, but IN SPITE of it!
4 comments:
But didn't ya get the memo - people *always* know a friend of a friend or a brother or a neighbour or your cousin's hairdressed that was adopted and they were JUST FINE, so why aren't you?
*cough*
Yeah, I got that memo in neon lights on the front of my hairdresser's porch, and then I got it again from my friends. Sigh.
Ugh...YES! I know ALL about that! That is the memo they send out to all adoptees! (Or did they stamp it onto our foreheads at birth, in ink only visable to us "bastards"?!) Who are the REAL bastards in this equation though?
Hi Kristina, Just read a few of your posts...yes, adoption is so damn complicated, and not the simple, er, process that so many adoptive parents seem to have entered into.
Thanks for your perspective. I've often noticed a visitor from Sweden (my husband is half-Swedish by background) and wondered who you were...
Thanks for your cogent comments today on the blog.
Thanks for stopping by Lorraine! I love reading your blog, and hearing a little about another perspective, the birth mother's! And you're right, adoption is so complicated, so complicated that my feelings about it change from day to day...
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