What is selfish?

I had an idea about writing a little about my feelings surrounding famous quotes, because they make me think, and want to explore my own thoughts a little deeper. So every so often, maybe daily, maybe once a month!, I'll pick apart a quote and dig a little in myself! Here goes!!!

"The “selfish man” is he who would do the thing, even if it harmed others, so
long as it gave him pleasure: the “unselfish man” is he who would still do
the
thing, even if it gave him no pleasure, so long as it pleased others."
Lewis Carroll

I agree, but where is the balance? When should a person stop thinking of others, and start doing what they need to do to be happy themselves? Are we here just to make others happy, or to be happy ourselves, or are we here for both? Are they one and the same actually?

What I know is that when I make my children happy, my husband happy, my friends happy, I AM happy. There are times when I take a breath and wonder, "When will it be my turn?" but for the most part, making my loved ones happy gives me the most joy. Take my kids for example. The prospect of seeing their happy faces at Christmas, or on their birthday just gives me a joy that I don't believe I can find elsewhere. When I see a shooting star or blow out candles on my own birthday cake, I don't wish for a new appliance for the kitchen, or a new necklace or ring for myself, I always wish for health and happiness for my loved ones. Always. Because in the end, that is all that matters to me. That is what makes me happy.

Now I'm going to take for granted that this quote is more about how doing things to make yourself happy while completely disregarding the feelings of others is morally wrong. But there are times when we have to think about ourselves first, like when self preservation is a must. (The definition of self preservation is, "The preservation of one's self from destruction or injury.") In times when a person's self is in danger, they have to think about saving themselves first. But danger isn't always dressed up as a thief with a gun pointed at your head. Danger can also be a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend, trying to make their partner into someone they aren't, someone who tries to take control of their partners life. Or danger could be media, putting pictures of anorexic models on every page of magazines, as a hero for young women everywhere to starve themselves, sometimes to death, to be good enough. Danger comes in many shapes and forms.

So my conclusion is that this quote is a beautiful one, with a good message. As long as we don't take it 100% literally...We should be generous with our love, and try to be the best person possible, towards ourselves and towards others. But not to the point of forgetting how important our own happiness is to our loved ones, and also to ourselves.